First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
