Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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