WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize