it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
