Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
