My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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