It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
