i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
