I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
