i jhust puked up my retainher.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
