I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
