Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
