yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
