Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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