Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
