she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
