I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
