ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
