it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
worst night to have a conscience
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
