true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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