When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
