Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My vagina just recognized that song.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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