Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
