I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
