WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
