Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
