they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
