Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize