Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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