I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
