Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
