yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
