So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize