i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
