Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
