literally had 100 drinks last night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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