So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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