First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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