She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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