Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
