He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
