Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
