took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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