in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
