you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
