I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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