ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
