I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
