you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
