Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
