I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
