what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
