On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My penis needs a shock collar
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
