i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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