he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
