he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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