I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
