I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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