How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
