So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
