some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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