I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
