I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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