How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
