just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
