Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
