The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
