Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
