People in love make me want to vomit
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
