dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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