making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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